Why Doesn't Dragunov Talk?
by SomeStoriesDeserveToBeTold
Summary: The title says it all. Its the biggest mystery of our generation, and now it's going to finally be answered! This is going to a be a collection of humorous one-shots that each explain a different reason why Dragunov doesn't talk. Of course, none of these theories will make any sense.. so brace yourself comrade, the Russian jokes are coming. CHAPTER TWO: He licked a flagpole.
1. Lisp

(Hello fans of Tekken! My name is SomeStoriesDeserveToBeTold, and I love Tekken! I've already written another story called The Return, which should be a few spots underneath this one on the story feed. That one is far more serious and romantic than this one, which will be a humor story. Every chapter will be a new humorous take on the reason why Dragunov never talks! It's the biggest mystery of our generation, and it needs to be answered! So, without further ado, let's get down to it! And PS, to make this story easier to read, simply replace every "TH" with an "S".)

**Why doesn't Dragunov ever talk?**

**Chapter One**

Maybe he doesn't talk because he's embarrassed of his lisp.

…

"Hey guyth! Wait up for me!" Yelled Dragunov as he ran.

Ahead of him, a pack of six young schoolboys were running. At the moment, Dragunov was eight years old, and those boys were his best friends.

"Guyth! I thought I told you to wait up! Pleathe!"

The boys stopped running, and turned around to face Dragunov. Panting and huffing for breath, Dragunov caught up to them.

"Hey, Sergei!" said one of the boys. "We can't always wait up for you like this. Just because you're so slow doesn't mean we can always sit around waiting for you."

"Yeth, yeth, I know." Replied Dragunov. "I'm very thorry for making you guyth wait."

Another one of the boys tapped the first one on the shoulder. "Hey! We're going to be late for school if we don't hurry up!" He yelled.

The first boy nodded, then turned to Dragunov. "Listen Sergei, we need to get to school fast, so pick up the pace, won't you?"

"Yeth thir!" said Dragunov enthusiastically.

With that, the group of boys sped off to school. They ran several blocks, past shopkeepers and pedestrians that lined the streets. Living in Moscow Russia had some tough points, but for the most part, life was good. First of all, few people were rich enough to own a car, so there was practically no traffic jams. And since Communism was established, nobody had anything nicer than anyone else!

This meant that if you ever got jealous of something that other people had, all you had to do was report them to the KGB, and they would be put in prison. Yeah… life in Communist Russia was the best. Instead of some people being rich and some people being poor, everybody was poor at the same time!

While Dragunov's simple eight year old mind reflected on the political ramifications of his country, the school came in sight.

"Hey! We're almotht there!" He yelled to the other boys.

Ignoring him, they ran up the front steps and entered the front door just as the bell rang. Unfortunately, Dragunov was slightly behind them, so by the time he reached the door, the bell had already rung.

At once, a hall-monitor that looked suspiciously like a KGB agent appeared in front of him. "You! You are late to school!" He yelled.

"Yeth thir. I am. And I'm very thorry." Replied Dragunov.

The man rolled his eyes. At first he didn't recognize the young boy, but after hearing his lisp, there was no mistaking who it was. "Oh, it's just you, Dragunov…"

Dragunov clasped his hands together in front of him and approached the man, ready to beg for his life. "Pleathe Mr. hall monitor, don't report me as being late! I've already been late three timeth thith week, and I can't afford another late! The Printhipal will be mad with me!"

"I'm sorry Dragunov," began the hall monitor. "But it's my duty to report all late attendances to the school. If I don't then the KGB will come and arrest me! Do you really want that?"

"No…" said Dragunov as he hung his head in shame. He knew it was all over.

"Okay." Said the man. "Report to the principal's office ASAP, okay?"

"Yeth thir." Said Dragunov. "I'll get there AthAP."

The hall-monitor face-palmed. As Dragunov began to slowly walk away, he called out to the boy. "Hey, Dragunov?"

Dragunov turned around. "Yeth?"

"Um… try not to say any words with the letter S in them, okay? You know how irritated the principal can become when he hears your lisp…" He advised.

Dragunov nodded his head. "Aye-aye thir!" He said. With that, the little boy turned around and trotted down the hall, towards the principal's office.

As he watched him go, the hall-monitor sighed. "Oh, that poor boy… that poor boy is done for."

…

…

…

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

The principal's secretary opened the door, and looked to see who had been knocking it. She saw a young boy, no older than eight, standing there. "Hello young man, what can I help you with?" She said with a smile.

"Hello mithuth thecratary." Said the boy.

The woman's cheery expression turned to disappointment. "Oh…" she said. "Hello Dragunov."

The young boy walked in, and sat down at a nearby seat. The secretary walked back behind her desk, where she sat down and started writing.

"So, what bring you here today, Sergei? Were you late again?"

"Yeth Ma'am." Replied Dragunov.

The secretary sighed. That boy was always coming in late. She scribbled on a piece of paper, then handed it to him. Dragunov took the paper, and stood up.

"First door on the left." Said the secretary. "Good luck in there, kid." She said, fully aware of how much the principal of the school hated Dragunov's lisp.

"Thank you very muth." Said Dragunov as he marched to the door.

Knocking with one hand. Dragunov waited patiently to be let inside.

"Come in!" said a gruff voice from inside.

Dragunov opened the door and walked in. Seated at the desk in front of him was a bald man, very fat and wearing a small tan suit. He eyed Dragunov suspiciously as he entered, then sighed as face-palmed.

"Oh god… not you again…" He said.

Dragunov was about to say yeth, but then suddenly remembered what the hall-monitor had told him. _Don't say anything with the letter S in it…_

After reconsidering, Dragunov chose to go a different route. "Affirmative. I am here. Dragunov reporting." He said as he took a seat in front of the desk.

The principal leaned forward and put his elbows on the desk. "Okay Lispie, why are you here today?" Lispie was the principal's nickname for Dragunov, who was well known around the school for having an embarrassing speech impediment.

Dragunov handed the principal the piece of paper he was holding.

The principal took it, read it, and threw it in the trash. "Late again…" he said with disappointment in his voice.

"Indeed." Said Dragunov.

The man sighed, and looked Dragunov in the eye. "Do you know what this means?" He asked.

"I will be reprimanded again?" asked Dragunov.

The principal shook his head. "No, Dragunov. It is much, much worse. As you know, this is your third late in a row…"

Dragunov waited patiently to hear what his punishment would be. Part of him began to get scared at the thought of whatever fate awaited him.

The principal took off his thin, wire frame glasses, and set them down on the desk. "As is the law of the new United Soviet Socialist Republics, every three lates will be punished by permanent expulsion."

"PERMENANT EXPULTHION!?" Shouted Dragunov in shock. He was not expecting that.

"Ah, there it is…" said the principal, referring to Dragunov's lisp.

Dragunov was in shock. "You're going to exthpel me?!" he asked fearfully. School was Dragunov's entire life. Since birth, he knew nothing other than learning… and of course fighting. Next to school, street fighting was his passion.

"Yes Dragunov, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to expel you. My hands are tied."

"Pleathe thir, don't do this to me! Tchool is all I have! Where will I get an educathun?"

"It looks like you're going to have to take up a job in the factories, young man. Either that, or…"

"Or what?" Asked Dragunov hopefully. After hearing the horror stories of what went on in those factories, he knew that anything would be better than that.

"Or…" the principal continued. "… you can join the Russian military."

"The Ruthian military?" asked Dragunov in surprise.

"Yes, the Russian military." Confirmed the principal. "Our great leader has installed a new program which saves delinquents like yourself from degrading lives of poverty, and puts them among the ranks of our honorable soldiers. It's either that, or off to the factories."

Dragunov did not know what to do. Part of him thought the military sounded fun, but another part of him knew it would be a dangerous life. "Tho…" he began. "If I take this offer and join the Ruthian military, I won't ever have to go to the factorieth?"

"Yes." Said the principle.

"Then I acthept!" He declared.

The principal clapped his hands together once. "Oh goody! Another one of my students is off to fight for the Red Army! How fantastic." He said sarcastically.

"Why do you thound tho tharcathtic?" Asked Dragunov.

"Because, Lispie, the military isn't all it's cut out to be. Life will be hard for you out there. Very, very hard. If you think you had a rough time in school, then the military is going to really crack down on you."

"I can handle it!" said Dragunov defiantly. He was unusually strong for his age, and knew that he would be able to take care of himself.

"No, Dragunov," said the principal. "I'm not talking about sheer strength. I'm talking about your lisp."

"My lithp?" asked Dragunov in surprise. What did that have to do with it? He wondered.

"Yes, boy, your lisp. In the military, they're very tough on you. I bet that on day one they're going to start making fun of you and cracking down hard. Life will be tough."

"I can control my lithp!" said Dragunov angrily. He was tired of people making fun of his lisp.

"No you cant." Said the principal.

"Yeth I can!" shot back Dragunov.

"Say your name." demanded the principal.

"Thergei Dragunov." Said Dragunov.

"Now say the name of our leader."

"Jotheph Thalin." Said Dragunov.

"And the name of our country."

"The United Thoviet Thothulist Republicth."

"And the name of your girlfriend."

"Thamantha Thokolothki."

"And the name of the frozen desert parlor down the street."

"Althander'th Thuper Thophithticated frothen ithe cream thop."

The room was silent. The principal looked at Dragunov with an amused expression on his face. Dragunov stared intently at the man, his fists clenched in rage.

"Okay fine!" He yelled. "You win! My lithp is out of control!"

The principal threw his head back and laughed. "Hahaha! Oh Lispie, you have some tough times ahead of you in the army! They're gonna rip you apart for that stupid lisp!"

"Well what can I do about it?!" Asked Dragunov pleadingly.

The principal stopped laughing and wiped a tear away from his eye. He had been laughing so hard at Dragunov's lisp that he actually started to cry. "I don't know! Get surgery or something."

"I can't afford thurgery!" replied Dragunov, who was now in full panic mode.

"Well then I don't know what to say." Said the principal. He leaned back in his chair and put his glasses back on. "Hey, I have an idea!" he said.

"Yeth?" asked Dragunov hopefully.

"Just never say anything! For the rest of your life! HAHAHAHAHA!" The man started bawling in laughter again at his own joke.

Dragunov on the other hand, was silent. Looks like nobody told him the principal was just cracking a joke.

"Never talk again?" He said out loud. "I could tho do that!"

The principal, hearing Dragunov talk, stopped laughing and leaned forward in his chair again. "What did you say?" He asked.

"I'm never going to thpeak again!" he said triumphantly.

"You're… what?" asked the principal in surprise.

"Never going to thpeak again!" Reaffirmed Dragunov.

"Wait… you can't be serious, Dragunov." Pleaded the principal. "I was joking when I said that!"

"Well I'm not!" said Dragunov. Defiantly getting up, Dragunov spun around and walked to the door. He opened it with one hand, then was stopped when he heard a voice from behind. It was the principal.

"Hey! If you're really going to do this, then don't you want your last words to be memorable? It will be the last time you ever speak for your whole life!"

Dragunov, frozen in place, thought carefully about what he would say. These would be the last words he ever spoke…

Finally deciding on something, Dragunov turned around to face the principal, and looked him in the eyes.

"Thcrew you!" He declared loudly.

And with that, Dragunov stepped outside, shutting the door behind him.

From that day forward, Sergei Dragunov never spoke another word in his entire life.

**End Chapter One**

(Thank you for reading! This story is supposed to be humorous, but reading what I wrote, it almost seems kind of sad. That poor Dragunov… it really makes you think, ya know? Life for someone with a lisp must be hard. But overall, I thought this chapter came out okay. That poor Samantha, though. Imagine how hard life must be when your own boyfriend can't pronounce your name! Anyway, you can expect the next chapter sooner or later, depending on what good ideas I have, and what time I have to actually sit down and write. Also, if you have any interesting theories about why Dragunov doesn't talk, then tell me in the reviews, and I might right a chapter on it!)


	2. Licked a Flagpole

(Hello fans of Tekken! Here we have the second chapter of why doesn't Dragunov talk, and it's a good one. Have you ever seen A Christmas Story the movie? You know, the one with the "You'll shoot your eye out, kid"? If you have, then you're going to love this chapter. Personally that's one of my favorite movies of all time, and I chose to base this chapter around one of the most famous scenes from that movie. I hope you enjoy! And please review!)

**Why Doesn't Dragunov Talk?**

**Chapter Two**

Maybe he doesn't talk because he licked a flagpole when he was a kid.

…

It was cold. Very cold.

So cold that every kid on the playground was bundled up like a cocoon. Some wore scarves, others wore mittens, and others still wore full body snowsuits. Truly, there was no such thing as overkill when dressing children for the cold.

These bundled children stood together in small groups on the playground. All the boys stuck to themselves, while the girls formed their own groups in separated areas.

On this particular day, many, many years ago, a group of these bundled youngsters were standing around a freezing flagpole. This particular group was all boys, a group that had been friends for years. They had all grown up in the same town, and had all attended the same school; Mishima Elementary School.

There were six of these boys, each one being about twelve years old. They formed a tight circle in the freezing cold, and were currently engaging in the typical type of conversation that all twelve year old kids tend to have.

"Hey!" Yelled Paul Phoenix, "Kazuya's doin' it again!" Paul was wearing a puffy red jacket with black mittens. Beneath his long, striped hat, the beginnings of a strange blond hair plume was beginning to form. The person he was talking about, Kazuya Mishima, stood a few feet away.

As soon as he heard his name called, Kazuya turned around and faced the rest of the boys. "What!" He yelled back. "What am I doin'?"

This time it was Marshall Law who spoke up. "You were looking at that girl again! We all saw you Kazuya, you were givin' her the goo goo eyes!" All the boys, except for Kazuya, burst out laughing at this. Had Kazuya not been wearing a huge scarf around his face, they would have all seen him blushing.

"Hey! I do not like her!" He shot back.

Nobody was buying it. Paul continued the attack. "Hahaha! Ever since you saw that Jun girl, you haven't been able to keep your eyes off her! Admit it!"

Kazuya's face was really turning red now. As soon as grade six had started, and Kazuya first laid eyes on Jun Kazama, he fell madly in love with her. Well, about as madly in love as a twelve year old can get, that is.

Which isn't very much…

But anyway, Kazuya was still in denial mode. "I do not like her!"

Now Bob Richards, the fourth boy who was in the group, spoke up. "Jun and Kazzie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" All the other boys erupted in laughter again. For some reason, the thought of liking a female is hilarious and scandalous to all twelve year olds.

Kazuya was getting angry now. He was known all around the playground for having the hottest temper, so when Bob finished saying his rhyme, Kazuya simply couldn't help himself from retaliating. Outstretching both arms, he lunged at Bob and pushed him with all his might.

Bob, who was only twelve years old, weighed well over a hundred pounds. That was extremely overweight for his age, which was one of the most common aspects of him that other boys picked on. And now that Kazuya had pushed him, Bob's weight was definitely acting as a disadvantage.

Slowly he began to tilt backwards, and just like a mighty tree being cut down in the forests of North Canada, someone yelled "TIMBER!" as loud as they could. Bob fell onto the snow with a loud thud, causing all the other boys to once more erupt in laughter.

Bob, however, was not laughing. "Hey guys! Come on! I can't get up!" And it was true. Bob's weight, coupled with his unusually round shape and bundled clothes, made it nearly impossible for him to stand himself up. All he could do was roll around helplessly as all the other boys laughed at him.

"Ha!" said Kazuya triumphantly. "That'll show ya!"

For a while the other five boys watched their sixth friend roll around in the snow, until finally another one of them spoke. This one's name was Bryan Fury, and he was the outlier of the group. While all the other boys were young, playful, and foolish, Bryan was anything but.

Although he was only one year older than the other boys, Bryan was still considered the oldest and wisest of the schoolyard kids. He was the only boy who openly said he liked girls, and didn't get made fun of for it. Truth be told, everybody was too scared to pick on him.

As he watched Bob roll around helplessly in the snow, Bryan stopped laughing for a moment and looked over towards the girls' group. There, huddled around the steps to the school, was a group of five girls. Some of them were watching Bob roll around in the snow, and others were simply pretending not to.

This group included the twelve year old versions of Nina Williams, Jun Kazama, Michelle Chang, Zafina, and Christie Montiero.

Bryan glanced at them quickly, then suddenly turned around to face the rest of the boys. "Hey!" he whispered loudly. "Everybody shut it! You'll never guess what I just saw!"

"What?" Asked Paul.

"Yeah Bryan, what is it?" added Marshall.

"Well… it's about the girls." He said with a devious grin on his face. Instantly the conversation turned serious.

"What is it? Was Jun lookin' at me?" Asked Kazuya hopefully.

Bryan scowled. "No, loverboy, she was not. But it's close to that."

Bob, who had stopped rolling around on the ground as soon as he heard Bryan mention the girls, chimed in as well. "You mean one of them was lookin' at us?"

Bryan smiled his head and nodded slowly. "You got that one right, Fat Albert. A certain lady over there was just giving one of us the ol' look of love."

Instantly all the boys started looking at each other and the girls, trying to figure out who was looking at who.

"Was it that one with the feather in her heard?" asked Marshall Law.

"No." said Bryan.

"Was is the at one on the left?" Asked Paul, who pointed towards Christie.

"No…" said Bryan.

"How about the blonde one?" asked Bob.

"Nope." Said Bryan.

"Was it Jun? Was she looking at me?" Asked Kazuya.

"NO!" shouted everyone.

Kazuya started blushing again. "Geez, guys, you don't have to be so harsh about it…"

Now Bryan spoke again. "So, you guys really don't know who it was? Well then I'll tell you. It was Zafina. That new Egyptian girl."

All the boys turned at once to look at the girls group. There, standing in the middle of the group of girls as the twelve-year old Zafina, who was more winter layers than anyone else outside. It would make sense, seeing how different this climate was from her homeland.

After quickly looking to see Zafina, the boys turned back to Bryan. "Well…" Asked Marshall Law, "Who was she looking at? Was it-"

"No." said Bryan flatly. "It wasn't you, you, you, you or me." He pointed one at a time at Marshall, Paul, Kazuya, Bob, and himself.

"Well then that leaves only…"

"Yep." Said Bryan with another devious grin. "Zafina was totally checkin' out Dragunov."

The group of boys turned to face Dragunov, who was covering quietly at the edge of the circle. Instead of wearing a full winter coat, Dragunov only had a long sleeved shirt and some mittens, mainly because of how used to the cold he was.

As soon as he realized that Bryan was talking about him, Dragunov started to freeze up. "Wha? What? You mean- I mean- you said… Me? She was looking at m-m-me?" He said, looking like a deer that had just been caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

Out of all the boys at the school, Sergei Dragunov was easily the shyest. He barely ever talked, and when he did, it was usually stuttered and mellow. But despite being such a reserved and timid kid, the other boys accepted him as their friend nonetheless.

Bryan nudged Dragunov with his elbow, and raised an eyebrow. "She was really checkin' you out, Sergei. I saw it myself."

Dragunov was still busy recovering from the shock of hearing his own name in the same sentence as a girl's. "Um… listen Bryan, I don't know if she did. I mean, it could have been a mistake. She was probably looking next to me. Or around me. Or under me. Or over me…"

"Hahaha!" Laughed Bryan. "Don't be embarrassed, Sergei, you gotta play it cool, capish?"

"Ca-what?"

"Nevermind. But hey, you don't believe me? Why don't you take a look for yourself?" Suggested Bryan.

Dragunov nodded slowly, then turned around to face the girls. He expected to see them looking the other way, but when he turned around, the very first thing he noticed was a pair of dark, feminine eyes looking back at him. He made eye contact with Zafina for a split-second, then watched in surprise as she turned away in embarrassment. Dragunov also turned around and faced back to the boys.

"Oh man, she is! She really did just check out Dragunov, I saw it too!" Said Paul enthusiastically. Kazuya and Marshall nodded in agreement, also proving that they saw it too. From the ground, Bob stuck up one hand and formed a thumbs-up for Dragunov. Clearly he was supporting him too.

Bryan nudged Dragunov with his arm again. "Man, she's really into you, Sergei. You gotta go for it."

"Go for it? Go for what?" Asked Dragunov in a confused manner.

"Try to impress her!" Suggested Marshall. "Do something cool!"

Dragunov looked around worriedly. "Something cool? I'm not cool! I can't do anything cool!" He said timidly. Unfortunately, it was true. Dragunov had a long history of being surprisingly lame. He preferred books over socialization, and silence over chaos. Although he did enjoy some street fighting with his friends, he rarely, if ever, spoke with any girls.

"Oh come on," said Kazuya. "Your name is Sergei Dragunov. How can you have a name like that and NOT be cool? It's just not possible."

Dragunov smiled a bit. "Thanks Kazuya…" he said timidly.

"Yeah, whatever." Said Bryan. "I like Law's idea. You should try to show off for her."

"What could I do?" asked Dragunov, who was surprised to even hear the words come out of his mouth.

The boys were quiet as they tried to think of something to do. It had to be cool, it had to be tough, and it had to be noticeable. While they thought, Bob continued his desperate battle against gravity. Unfortunately, it seemed gravity was winning…

Finally, Bryan jumped. "I've got it!" He declared. "Let's start an fight! Dragunov, you and me can pretend to get in a fight over something, and I'll let you win, and then you'll look really cool in front of Zafina! It's foolproof!"

At first Dragunov liked the idea, then he thought of two problems. "Wait, Bryan, but if we get into a fight and I win, won't that make YOU look bad in front of the girls?"

Bryan scoffed. "Oh please. I don't care what these girls think about me. My attention is focused on that Anna girl in block two."

All the boys started laughing.

"Yeah okay," said Bryan. "Can we get focused back on the task at hand? Sergei over here is about to land his first lady!"

The boys cheered, causing the girls to look towards them, out of curiosity.

The idea of a fixed fight sounded good to Dragunov when it was first proposed, but now that it was about to happen, Dragunov was starting to feel a little uncertain. "Uh… Bryan? I don't know about this…" He said.

"Don't be a baby." Replied Bryan.

"But… how can we fight in all this snow? We're going to look stupid just rolling around in it."

"Hey!" Said Bob who was rolling around in it.

Bryan rubbed his chin for a moment, deep in thought. "Hmmm… I guess you're right. Well then, let's just have an argument. I'll let you win."

"What are we going to argue about?" asked Dragunov.

Bryan thought for another moment, then answered. "I've got it. I heard from my buddy Baek about this cool thing where you lick a flagpole."

"Lick a flagpole?" asked Paul.

"How is that supposed to impress Zafina?" asked Marshall.

"It's simple! Baek says that if you lick a flagpole while it's really cold outside, then your tongue gets stuck to it. I know it's a load of baloney, so if we just pretend to have an argument about it, then I dare Dragunov to do it, then he does it, then he walks away totally fine, he's gonna look really tough, don't ya think? He'll look all fearless and stuff!"

The other guys voiced their support. It sounded great.

Dragunov was smiling. "What could go wrong?" he asked ironically.

…

…

(Fifty seconds later)

…

…

"AHHHHH! STUCK! STUCK!"

"Oh god! Baek was right! It's true!"

"BRYAN PLEASE! DO SOMETHING! ITS STUCK!"

Dragunov's tongue was glued tightly to the pole. Frozen in place, it did not appear like it was going to budge at all. Each of the boys looked at each other with dropped jaws and shocked expressions on their faces.

Just then, the school bell rang loudly. "Oh no…" said Paul. "Bryan, we gotta go inside. The bell just rang!"

Dragunov, who tugged furiously against the pole, looked on in horror. "NO! GUYSSSS! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!"

The boys were all looking at each other in confusion. Nobody knew what to do. They saw the girls turn away and slowly walk inside, still keeping their eyes on the strange sight of the boys around the flagpole.

Kazuya ran over to Bob, lifted him up onto his feet, then the two ran inside.

"Oh man, there goes Bob and Kazuya! We're gonna be late!" whimpered Paul.

"Come on Bryan, we need to go! The teacher's gonna be soooooo mad if we're late!" Added Marshall.

Bryan was torn. He looked from Dragunov to the school, then back again. On one hand, his friend was in serious trouble. But on the other hand, he would be screwed if he didn't make it inside in time.

Finally Paul broke the tension. "Forget it! I'm sorry Sergei, but I can't afford to be late! I… I'm sorry!" And with that, Paul ran off towards the school, bounding through knee-high snow as he went. Marshall took one more look at Dragunov, then turned and ran in pursuit of Paul.

"Hey Paul!" He called. "Wait for me!"

Now it was just Dragunov and Bryan. Dragunov pushed against the flagpole with all his might, trying as hard as he could to remove his tongue. Unfortunately, however, it was no use. The more he fought against his frozen bonds, the more that pain shot up through his mouth.

"Dragunov, push harder!" Yelled Bryan, who had no idea of what to do.

Dragunov pushed harder, and then recoiled in pain. "I CANT! IT HURTS MY TONGUE! OWWWWWWWWWWW!"

The entire schoolyard was empty. Zafina and the group of girls had left long ago, leaving only a desperate pair of young men in the wake.

Bryan looked one more time at Dragunov, then turned and started to run away.

Dragunov saw him run, and called out more. "PLEASEEEEEEE! BRYAN DON'T DO DIS TO ME!"

Bryan paused in his tracks and looked back at his friend. Conflicting emotions flew through his head like a storm.

"Pleaseeeeeeeee…." Asked Dragunov as he contorted his body around the pole so he could face Bryan.

Bryan took one more look at Dragunov, then turned around and ran towards the school. As he ran, he looked back over his shoulder and shouted at Dragunov. "I'm sorry!"

Dragunov called out one more time. "BRYAN!"

His tongue hurt tremendously, his friends had abandoned him, and Zafina was nowhere to be seen. Looking around the empty playground, Dragunov truly decided he had hit rock bottom. When the teacher eventually found him, he would be in a lot of trouble.

As the wind started to kick up, Dragunov looked desperately for some kind of a silver lining to the situation.

"Ow…" he moaned. "At least it will be over soon. They'll come out and get me any second now…"

But they did not.

Five minutes passed.

Thirty minutes passed.

An hour passed.

Two hours passed.

Three hours passed.

Four hours passed.

Dragunov's tongue had gone completely numb, and started to turn a dark black color. Sometime after the second or third hour, he had lost the ability to move his tongue, and could not speak. He knew that he was suffering from frostbite, and that it would likely never heal again.

Long ago, he decided that his tongue was a goner. Now, it was whether he would survive at all. As the cold closed in, he repeatedly cursed his decision to wear such minimal clothing. The school loomed in the distance, mocking him like a warm heaven in the middle of a frozen hell.

Soon he started losing feeling in the rest of his body. As he started to fade to unconsciousness, he turned his eyes to the sky and asked for help. He asked for an angel.

But none came. Instead, a regular little girl would have to do.

Dragunov's eyes were closed when he heard the voice. It was soft, quiet, and weak. He could detect slight traces of an accent, but mostly it was understandable.

"Excuse me…" said the voice.

Dragunov spun around, as far as he could go without ripping his tongue. Immediately he saw the source of the voice. It was a girl. It was Zafina.

He tried to say something, but it only came out as "HNMMPHHH, HNMPH."

Zafina tilted her head to the side as she observed the strange boy before her. "Um…" She said. "Do you need some help?"

Dragunov furiously nodded his head. He knew it was the only way to communicate.

Zafina stepped forward and reached into her jacket. She pulled out a thermos, full of steaming hot water. Dragunov looked at the thing, and then back up at Zafina. He knew that if she poured the water on his tongue, it would sting terribly. But he also saw in her eyes that she would not hurt him, and thus he managed to somehow put trust in the girl.

Leaning forward, Zafina opened the thermos and moved it towards Dragunov's tongue. She dipped it forward slightly, and a single stream of hot water poured out. It landed right on Dragunov's tongue, and instantly gave of steam.

The pain from the water was intense. It burned and scalded his tongue, nearly making him cry. But whenever he was about to cry out or scream, Dragunov just remembered who was right in front of him. Every time he looked at Zafina, he felt a sense of honesty and care that he simply never felt with his other friends.

Just then, the water burned through the ice, and his tongue was released. Dragunov fell backwards from shock, and accidentally dragged Zafina down with him. He quickly stood back up, and held out a hand for Zafina to grab.

"Hehehe…" she laughed. "You're a funny kid, you know that, right?"

Dragunov tried to say something, but found that he was no longer in control of his tongue or mouth at all. All he could do was nod and hum, which he did excessively.

Zafina grabbed Dragunov's hand and pulled herself up, then brushed herself off. She looked towards the school, then back at Dragunov, who still appeared dazed and confused.

"Come on…" she said as she grabbed his hand and started to lead him back to the school. "Ya know, I cut class so I could help you. I don't think that's how I'm supposed to get on the teachers good side, haha."

Dragunov nodded again. He only wished he could speak and say something to her. Unfortunately, he had lost all feeling in his mouth long ago.

Together the two made their way through the snow and towards the school, where they would walk right up those steps and into the classroom. Of course, all the kids would be shocked to see Dragunov alive, and even more shocked to see the new girl helping him.

…

After being looked at by the school nurse, Dragunov was taken to a nearby hospital, where it was discovered that all the cells in his tongue had already died due to frostbite. There was no other alternative than to amputate.

Following his amputation, Dragunov discovered he had lost the ability to speak. At first he was upset by this, but seeing as Dragunov never talked much in the first place, he got over it quick. During his recovery, many of his friends came to visit him, including the boys that had put him up to it in the first place.

Bryan never formally apologized, and neither did Bob, Kazuya, Paul, or Marshall. But Dragunov wasn't mad at them, because he knew it was all just a childish mistake. They remained his best friends for years to come.

Many doctors came to see him over the course of his stay in the hospital, but none of them could do anything to help. They merely looked at the empty space where his tongue used to be, and shrugged. It hopeless.

But of all the people to visit him in that hospital bed, his favorite was Zafina. While most kids got bored with Dragunov, due to the fact that he never said anything, this girl didn't seem to mind. They became close friends very fast, and once he was discharged from the hospital, the two got even closer.

Some years later, the two started dating.

It's funny how the simplest of friendly deeds can turn into such wonderful relationships.

**End Chapter One**

(Thank you for reading! Again, after writing this chapter, it seems like I ended up being a little more serious than I'm supposed to. Yeah, there were some humor aspects in this chapter, but mostly I thought it was a pretty sweet little story. Maybe I should change the category from "humor" to something else… oh, whatever. I'll just make the next chapter funnier. So, if you want to help be a part of the next chapter, just review! If you leave a suggestion, and I like it, then who knows, I might write a chapter on it!)


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